Never in twenty two years of mental health therapy did I ever entertain the idea that my abuse could be overcome or healed. I was given a diagnosis of complex post traumatic stress disorder with associative identity disorder due to childhood mental, physical and sexual abuse, when I was twenty nine years old. The treatment was to manage my symptoms, which had become quite a lengthy list all on their own. The therapy was called “cognitive” and consisted of talking to someone about the abuse and taking unknown amounts of medications, which I took privilege to abuse on a regular basis in an attempt to ease the mental agony of the memories and the lack of self worth I was feeling.
I had not even come close to the feet of the power that could help me to overcome and heal. Don’t get me wrong, therapy served me well in helping me to realize I did not have to be a victim. But, who was I, if not a victim? That is the catch. Rightfully so, they were trying to convince me of “what I was not”, but I was desperately seeking to find out ” who I really am.”
The only identity I knew, was the one I was labeled with. I was a product of a very violently abusive alcoholic father, a submissive mother, and the victim of incest—enduring being locked in the basement for hours and beaten and tortured for many years. I walked around for years, with that label stuck on my forehead and my life reflected every bit of it. What I desperately wanted to know was, is God real and why didn’t He stop it.
A year and a half ago, I made my first call to a Christian Science Practitioner. My greatest joy was in finding out that God is very real and He is not what I thought He was. He is a Loving God, with a greater Love than I could ever imagine. I stopped going to therapy and no longer need medication. Over the next year and a half, I began to learn more and more about God. I learned how to feel Love. I learned to honestly forgive my abusers, which has brought me a tremendous amount of healing, and a joy I could have never thought possible. I learned many valuable lessons from studying the bible. I am learning to overcome my fears and build my confidence. I no longer have the desire to die because I have found my worth in working for God. In Christian Science I am learning the Truth. I have a new label now, it says, “I am the daughter of the King.” It is imprinted on my heart and is reflected in Love. And YES, Abuse can be overcome and most importantly, Healed.