Thou Turnst My Mourning Into Praise

In everything that comes up in life, we have a choice to either trust God and exercise our God given dominion, or to crumble before it and become a victim.

One of the most difficult situations to deal with is the loss of a loved one. My husband passed on recently. At first I felt devastated — but I soon realized that I had a decision to make: Do I believe what I’ve learned in Christian Science or not? Do I really believe that life is eternal and can never end? Do I “trust God’s disposal of events”? Do I really believe that I am a complete idea of God, that my husband and I are both God’s children, and that it’s God who has provided for our every need? Then it’s time to prove it!

I remembered a wonderful article in the CornerStone (No. 140), written by a student of Mr. Eustace, in which the author’s husband passed on, but came back long enough to tell her that there is no death — that he hadn’t gone anywhere and was still there with her. And I also remembered reading of an instance when Mrs. Eddy was talking to someone who had lost a loved one, and told them that she could see their loved one, and that she was right there in the room with them, standing at the bookcase. That was what I felt in my heart was the truth, and all sadness and fear disappeared. I truly feel my husband hasn’t gone anywhere.

Well meaning friends and co workers would ask, “How are you?” I’d answer, “Fine, thanks, how are you?” They’d reply, “No, I mean how are you really?” So I finally began to tell them that I knew I had a choice to make: I can either feel sorry for myself and spend the rest of my life wallowing in self pity, or I can choose to get on with life — and that’s what I choose to do! The questions stopped.

And then Christmas came. Some friends said very sympathetically, “Oh, I know it’s going to be hard for you.” So I told them that I expect this to be a wonderful time, just like every other Christmas. And it was.

I’ve realized that this situation does not define me. I’m still me, and my husband is still himself. I know that he’s working for God where he is, as I’m doing here. And I’ve learned many things during this time. One is to immediately challenge error coming at me as human sympathy. As an early worker said, “Be so instant in Truth that error is always too late.” I also realized that any time I felt a sense of sadness and grief, that was mental malpractice and I needed to handle it as just that, and to know this is not my thinking! As I persistently did this, the grief would disappear immediately. Negative feelings are malpractice — wrong practice — and may come either when someone is thinking sympathetically of us, or because of world belief that says we’re “supposed” to feel sad and grieve. But that’s not what God says! Peace, joy, and happiness are part of our very being, and are not dependent upon any person.

I am very grateful for a Plainfield practitioner, who was a wonderful support to me as I worked through this. Several co workers have referred to me using the term “inspiration.” But isn’t that what we’re all here for, to inspire others to turn to God to find healing and comfort? I love to sing Hymn No. 134 that begins, “I look to Thee in every need, and never look in vain,” and ends with “Thou turnst my mourning into praise.” That is the truth! “Thou Turnst My Mourning Into Praise”