Healed of Pre-cancer Diagnosis

During the Plainfield Round Table sessions we often talk about old theology – this idea that man started off a sinner and that sin is a part of man that we can never fully shuck off – and how it likes to creep into thought making us feel separate from God, unworthy, and sometimes unredeemable. This is an attitude that doesn’t invite healing and certainly isn’t the fertile soil that Christ Jesus indicated was necessary for the good seed of God to spring up.

An experience I had in my 20s really brought this point home to me. Shortly before I met my husband (which was an amazing demonstration in and of itself and had come as a result of a significant change of thought), I had been diagnosed by two different OBGYNs of having some precancerous cells that they were concerned enough about that it was recommended that I have a procedure to go in and remove them before things could get worse. This diagnosis had really been weighing on my thought quite a bit and I felt very discouraged – especially in relation to this new relationship I’d begun.

I started to feel unworthy of this person and my thought spiraled into a state of self-condemnation blaming myself for not having been a better Christian Scientist, not going to church regularly, not upholding all the standards I had been brought up with, etc, etc. I had quite a laundry list of all these things that were telling me that I was unworthy and as much as I really didn’t want to have this procedure, I thought to myself, “how can I even ask God for help or pray to God for healing when I’ve not been very perfect?”

As I struggled with these thoughts and continued to pray about the situation, a thought (clearly from God) finally broke through that mesmeric wall. It hit me that this kind of thinking made no sense really, it was just sheer animal magnetism and it had come on the heels of this demonstration of meeting my husband – an event that I did not doubt was God inspired and was as a result of a mental turning point I’d had in regards to relationships. This thought said, “wait a second – you have changed, you are not the same person so why are you holding yourself to and punishing yourself as if you were; and if God has already brought this wonderful person into your life do you really think God’s not going to take you all the way?” The more I thought about this the more it just sounded ludicrous to sit there and condemn myself and I was also reminded of what Mrs. Eddy says in Science & Health about overcoming sin: “We acknowledge God’s forgiveness of sin in the destruction of sin and the spiritual understanding that casts out evil as unreal. But the belief in sin is punished so long as the belief lasts.” All these things I was condemning myself over had been shed – a corner had been turned – and so I had to let it go, not carry it forward with me. At this point the thought came to me very strongly that I did not need to go through with this procedure, and so I didn’t. I asked the second doctor if he would mind testing me one more time and he did – and that test came back as perfectly normal. I should also note that during the years when I was having my children, I was periodically retested as part of an annual exam and each time it has been completely normal.

Looking back I am grateful for this experience because it is a reminder to me of how subtle these thoughts of condemnation can be and that their only aim is to try to resurrect something false from the past and bring it into the present. The Bible says that God requires the past – so let it go! Then the present soil of thought is much more ready to let Truth take hold.